Nature Over Acts

Most women fall in love with a man because of his act(ions). That is why we now have ladies genuinly falling in love with so called "blessors" and why many women fall in love and become involved with married men. Women are gullible to sweet treatment and sometimes, to their own detriment, overlook a man's nature (his character).

There are men who are generally sweet, that's who they are so them being sweet you is nothing extraordinary or out of character for them. It may turn out, however, that these very men are unfaithful and that's also in their nature but because "he's soo sweet", you choose to overlook his unfaithful nature.

There are men who are generally givers, (like they support charities and stuff) so him buying you gifts and stuff is also not extraordinary but just part of who he is. The same way this man's nature can also be manipulative and violent.

Women often stay in very toxic relationships because of the acts of a man. Women often stay because of that one trait or those acts that make them forget every bad thing that the person ever did. We stay in confusion and messed up relationships because of that time he delivered flowers at work and that time he bought me this and that time he helped out my family and that other time he supported my dreams.

This kind of thinking is not only delusional, it's also very dangerous. If you are dating a married man for example, that very relationship is proof of this man's indefinitely and faithfulness yet you stay because of all the "nice" things he does for you. The acts often fool us and make us vulnerable to men who are put to look out for number 1 and no-one else.

Intentional acts shouldn't impress you as much as unplanned events. A man deciding to throw you and your friends a party two months from now is sweet and very thoughtful. This man however may have the gift of giving and would have given the gift to any other person. This man migght also have a bad bad temper but you would never know that because you refuse to take time and observe his behaviour.

Actions certainly reveal the nature of a person, that's why we should spend enough time observing someone before agreeing to enter into a relationship with them. Unless the purpose of that relationship is to know the person better and I still don't think that, that is the wisest decision.

Ladies, take to know him. It's not an overnight thing. Take time to know and SEE (physically) what he's like when he's angry, under pressure, bored, annoyed, disappointed etc. Watch him handle life's challenges and see if that's the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. I feel like most women get the shock of their lives when they enter into marriage. It's as if they married the evil twin of their boyfriend.

The evil twin is always the person you chose to ignore when you were dating. He always joked about sleeping with other women or he cheated on you while you guys were dating and all of a sudden you are shocked when he gets someone else pregnant outside your marriage. There are always signs, even the slightest, there are always signs to a person's true character, no matter how good they paint themselves to be. Women must learn to trust their intuition and respect themselves enough to tell a guy that "I'm not ready" and observe him in their friendship than jump into a relationship that will cause heartache and disappointment.

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Don't make yourself something you are not to make him love you

On Disappointment

One of the hardest things in life is dealing with disappointing, whether you were the one being disappointed or you disappointed others. The greatest sadness though is when you disappoint yourself. People often get so overwhelmed by this that they slip into depression or even commit suicide.

Life happens, that's reality. Instead of trying to avoid disappointment you should know how to deal it and how to move from it quickly. Whether you have delayed dreams, false hopes or failed relationships, you need to pick yourself and move on. Easier said than done right? Right.

The thing about disappointing yourself is that you need to go through the emotions of failing you. Being failed by another is painful but atleast you can always count on you to comfort, love and nurse yourself back to recovery. When you are own worst enemy things don't work out, you are constantly caught between beating yourself up and being your worst critic and trying to encourage yourself and lift yourself up. We all know that your weight is heavier than that of others.

At that crucial moment of having to choose, choose well. Choose to be better, to be stronger, to be wiser. Be like David, who when was defeated, encouraged himself in the LORD.

Dear Single Lady

Desperation is so smelly, you can smell it from miles away. Singleness can be so much fun, it can also be depressing and have you asking deep kweshions about life. When it does get to the depressing stage, never make the mistake of showing it to the world. You don't wanna be that girl that dated and flirted with everyone before you "eventually" get married. Stop holaring at brother when you are sad, stop writing on their walls or commenting on his every status to make yourself seen.

You need to know your worth. You need to re-evaluate your life and do some stock take and know your worth. When women know their worth, they are powerful but most importantly they don't settle for anything else than what they KNOW they deserve. You have to know the kind of man who is worth your time and effort. Life's loneliness and biological clock cannot have you taking any guy because he's a "genuinly good guy". Remember that the decision you make now is one you will live with for the rest of your life and that's a long time, unless ofcourse you get a divorce.

Again, have a meeting with yourself and think about the kind of man you deserve and don't feel bad or guilty about it. Also, think about the kind of woman you are that deserves to be loved and chosen by the kind of man you are thinking of. Better yourself while you wait for that man, there are amazing men out there. There really are.

Five things I think every woman should do to better themselves before marriage:

1. Have an intimate relationship with GOD
2. Get a qualification
3. Learn to cook GOOD good
4. Get a stable job
5. Have financial discipline

If marriage comes before any or all of these things then hey sis, we'll come and get down at your wedding but if you aren't married then girl get your miiiiiiiiiind right and become an asset to yourself and everyone around you. Become an all-rounder. Become the kind of woman your husband will be proud to introduce in EVERY sphere of his life.

Miss All Rounder

I believe in the power and influence of women. I believe in women being power houses. I believe that women have the power to be all rounders, to be good at whatever they do. Every woman should define what her "all" is and work at becoming excellent at that. A married woman with 2 kids and one who is unmarried have a different "all". The first should excel at being a wife and mother and everything while the second should excel at everything else she has chosen. The "all" of a married woman includes a husband while the "all" of an unmarried woman does not. First figure out what your "all" is and stop putting pressure on yourself to excel at things that don't exist.

Women are often very jealous of each other and become insecure because of what the other has. You can compete on things that are not the same, Bafana Bafana can never compete against the Proteas, different game, different rules, different league. Women should stop comparing themselves to other women, their stories and journeys are not the same. As women, we should be challenged by ourselves and becoming the best versions of ourselves. The only person we are in competition with is the individual that we are.

In the quest to becoming the best version of yourself, draw up a life plan. See where you are now, where you want to be and challenge yourself based on that. Do a stock take of your life. Re-evaluate your strenghts and dreams, your weaknesses and challenges. Once you have done that, think about what your "all" is. What is it exactly that you want to excel in. How is your future you looking? What does she like? What does she tolerate? How does she smell like? What's her fashion sense? Is she married? If that's the case, to who? What does she drive? Where does she stay? Do you like that woman? Does she inspire you? She should, if she doesn't them you have the wrong woman, you perhaps have the woman people want you to be. Dream and think about the woman YOU want to become and once you have her, without a shadow of doubt, let her inspire you.

Work towards becoming that woman, wake up everyday and think about not disappointing her. If she smells really good, go out there and buy yourself some good purfume, you'll be one step closer to being like her. If she is an amazing cook and you hardly cook then go out there and buy yourself recipe books. Do something, anything but take a step closer to becoming that woman you envision. Don't be sad if the first dish turns out bad, you are a work in progress, do it over and over and over again until you get it right, not just that, until you perfect it, so much so that you can't get it wrong.

Be your own mentor, let the woman you envision mentor the woman you are now. Let your future self mentor you into being the amazing person you want to become. Find woman who are similar to your future self and ask them how they did. There is power in hooking up with other power houses. Somethings don't come naturally, not to all of us but you know what they say "hard work always beats talent when talent doesn't work hard". If your future self is the CEO of her own company, then go on and register and work hard to become that.

Be bold enough to pursue your dreams. Tough enough to face rejection. Easy enough to try new things. Be happy, be you. Inspire You.

The Love We Preach

Before we go any further let me be clear that there is nothing with having standards, infact, we should, we must have have standards. We don't wait for someone or people to set those standards for us, we do it ourselves and for ourselves. Remember that we teach and show people how to treat us. okay.

Standards allow us to be exclusive, it also creates a "type of people" we date and while that is a good thing it can also box us and restrict us from seeing people for who they really are and seeing their real potential. We should never people out of pity, we really shouldn't, but women love doing this. The saviour syndrome-I will fix him. We see potential and HELP the person reach it, we don't FIX people. Try and remember that.

People are very keen to declare love, Christians especially, but how far are we actually willing to got for the love we preach. There are so many men out there who are willing to build homes with women, women who are broken  and needy and insecure and traumatised but how many are willing to do that. How many brothers are willing to take on a broken lady and build a home with her.It has said that our Christian sister prefer "wordly" brothers and because they compare them with the brothers in the house (of the Lord). This was often based on romance and so forth but what if our sisters date and end up marrying outside the church because homeboys have zero judgement and want to see you for who you are and have the potential of becoming and who they want you to be or society dictates you should be. I don't know of any brothers who would willingly marry a lady pregnant with another man's child, I don't know of any brothers who would marry a sister who has a child or even children but I do know of three men who brought up children that were not theirs and they don't wear suits every Sunday.

There are also a lot of homeboys who